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💬 Communication
What is your conflict style?
Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument.
Rate how much each describes your conflict behavior: 1 (never) to 5 (always).
1I stand firm on my position and try to win the argument.
2I give in to the other person's wishes to keep the peace.
3I avoid the conflict entirely and hope it goes away.
4I look for a middle-ground solution where both sides give something up.
5I work with the other person to find a solution that fully satisfies both of us.
6I use my authority or expertise to get my way.
7I sacrifice my own needs to make the other person happy.
8I postpone dealing with the issue until I've had time to think.
9I try to find creative solutions that address everyone's core needs.
10I propose a fair trade-off when there's a disagreement.
Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument
The TKI (Thomas & Kilmann 1974) is the most widely used conflict assessment worldwide, taken by over 8 million people.
The 5 conflict modes
- Competing (items 1, 6): Win/lose. Assertive + uncooperative. Good for emergencies.
- Accommodating (items 2, 7): Lose/win. Unassertive + cooperative. Good for low-stakes issues.
- Avoiding (items 3, 8): Lose/lose. Neither assertive nor cooperative. Good when cooling off.
- Compromising (items 4, 10): Split the difference. Moderate assertion + cooperation.
- Collaborating (items 5, 9): Win/win. Highly assertive + cooperative. Best for important issues.
Research
- No single style is always best — effectiveness depends on context
- Most people overuse 1-2 styles and underuse the rest
- Avoiding is the most common default — and the most damaging long-term
- Collaborating produces the best outcomes but takes the most time and skill
Sources: Thomas & Kilmann (1974, TKI), Rahim (2002, conflict management), CPP Inc. (TKI global dataset).